Inexorable
by veronicasawyerss
Summary: [in·ex·o·ra·ble ˌinˈeksərəb(ə)l/ adjective impossible to stop or prevent.] "Missing someone isn't about how long it's been since you've seen someone. Or the amount of time since you've talked. It's about that moment when you're doing something, and you wish, you wish they were right there doing it with you." MODERN DAY, ALL RIGHTS TO V. ROTH.
1. Prologue

**A/N: Okay, so I've been thinking of writing this for a while, and I never got around to it. Sorry I'm not updating my other stories and posting so many new ones. Yeah. I might change the name to "Because of Me".**

_Prologue:_

I guess that I didn't realize how much I really cared for him until he was gone. Until he risked- _and lost_\- his own life for me. It was all just too much at first, but when it settled in it just… couldn't be true. First, I took out my sadness in anger. Then tears. For most of people that's the part where they go, "And then I just got used to it." But that's not how it really works. There are times when you're just so carefree, that you forget. And once that carelessness goes away, the gap that will never be filled again starts eating at you. Some people call it depression, and I guess it is. But for me, it's guilt. If I hadn't been drunk, he wouldn't have had to save me. If I had been smart and thought about him for a second, I would've tried to help him. If I had realized how much he meant to me, I would've stayed with him, at least until the police came. But I didn't; all I did was care about myself. I remember, one time he told me that it was better to laugh then cry. Easier said than done, though. The thing is, he still cared even though I was a heartless bitch to him. He still cared even though I'm sure he had more problems than me. He still cared even though he had stuff to do. He still cared even though I didn't. And the thing that really gets to me, is that I never got to say that I was sorry. I keep on reliving that moment, imagining how I could've made it so at least he was happy in his last moment. Then, how could he be? No eighteen year old deserves to die in a car accident. He should've had an honorable death, something that made him realize how important he really was. I always teased him for having anxiety issues. But he was the smart one, and it was him trying to let go of those fears that got him killed. I remember, when he was in the hospital and I was about to leave, he spoke to me for the last time. "_Do you remember when we were little?" He had said. "We were playing in the park, and you asked me, 'What happens when you die?' I said, 'You forget everything. Everything.' 'Even you?' You asked. 'Yes, even me.' You did not want to die. Everything we had, taken away with the slightest squeeze. How could I forget?_"

Those words haunted me for months. They still do to this day. I left after he had finished speaking, but I wish that I had stayed. I expected him to be good to go in a month or so, using crutches at school. Obviously, that never happened. He never got to experience the freedom of running down the streets, back and forth, barefoot. Like we used to when we were kids. He'll be the person that I'll tell my kids about; I'll tell them that I loved him but I never got to tell him. That's why you have to hold the people that you love as close to you as you can, and never let go. I always thought that his harmless flirting was offensive, but now I realize he was just too afraid to tell me he loved me. I probably would've shot him down if he did, so he had every right to be afraid. I wish I could go back, and take back everything that I said. I wish I could give him a chance to love. I wish that I could save him.

But none of those things will ever happen. And they won't happen because of me. Because. Of. Me. I was such a naïve idiot, who ignored the truth. Even if it was staring me in the face. And I would lie to others, to make me feel good about myself. That was why he was afraid to tell me he loved me. No, not to tell me he loved me, he was afraid of me. Why does everything have to be my fault?

I guess you don't really realize how much you care about someone until they're gone. And you know they're not coming back.


	2. Chapter 1

**_A/N: Another countdown! A year or two per chapter :) _**

**_Also, I transferred some of my works to Wattpad, so if one was deleted, that's probably where it went. My username is thefaultinourtobias , and I started two new stories on there._**

**_-12 years before-_**

The wood chips were nearing my face, and I stuck out my arms to break my fall, but only ended up scabbing my fingers, too. I let out a small "oof", but no one took notice. Well, except for the boy from the elementary school that had come to read to us. He made his way over to me, his dark blue eyes round and worried.

"Are you okay?" He asked, sticking out a hand to pick me up. I smiled and took his hand.

"Yes, I'm fine. Thank you." That was how we responded. The Abnegation were cautious. The Abnegation were kind. He pulled me up, and didn't let go of my hand once I was standing. I smiled again.

"Do you want me to walk you down to the nurse?" He questioned. I nodded, brushing the tears from my eyes. We walked silently down the hallways, never letting go of the other's hand. He seemed to know exactly where he was going. Had he gone here too? By the time we reached the nurse's office, my hands had stopped stinging and my knees had stopped burning. The nurse, Ms. Reyes, looked up at us.

"Oh, Tobias! How good it is to see you. And you too, Beatrice." She said, smiling, before noticing my tears.

"Oh dear," she sighed. "What happened here, Beatrice?"

"I-I got p-pushed by some of the kids on the p-playground, and I h-hurt my knees." I said, holding back tears.

"Oh no. Let's look at your knees and get some ice for your hands. Tobias, aren't your parents supposed to be picking you up at the front by now?" She said, turning to speak to the boy– Tobias. He nodded.

"Yes, Ms. Reyes." He responded, and let go of my hand. I looked up at him.

"Thank you for waking me." I whispered.

"You're welcome." He whispered back, smiling. Ms. Reyes came back from getting ice and band-aids, and nodded at him.

"Well, you can go now. We'll be fine here, won't we, Beatrice?" She smiled down at me and I nodded. He gave me a small smile, and turned to walk out the door.

** -:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

"I heard you got in an accident today at school." My mom says gently, grabbing my hand to walk me to the car. I nod.

"I got pushed on the playground and a boy walked me down to Ms. Reyes." I tell her, and she smiles softly.

"Which boy?"

"One of the boys that was visiting from the 1st grade."

"Did you get his name?" She asks, opening the car door for me. I hop into the seat, and she buckles me.

"It was…" I try and remember his name. Ms. Reyes said it, "Tobias."

"Tobias? Marcus Eaton's son?" She questions once she gets into the car in front of me. I shrug, and look down at the stuffed cat in my hands.

"He was really nice." I hug the cat closer to me, deciding to name him Tobias, or Tobi. She smiles at me, and drives us home.

** -:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

When we get home, my brother Caleb is outside with out neighbors Susan and Roberts. They smile when they see me, and Susan walks towards me.

"You got a new cat!" She says, excited.

"Yeah. His name's Tobi." I smile at get, tugging her inside the house with me.

"I like it." She replies once we get into my room, where my collection of stuffed animals was proudly displayed. She immodestly grabbed the soft grey cat, who we had named Misty, and she played with everyday when she visited.

"Misty and Tobi are gonna be best friends." She said, grinning at me.

** -:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

**_-11 years before-_**

"Now make a wish!" My mother coos as I blow out the candles on my birthday cake. My father snaps a picture, and I look down at the cake with little cat toys sticking out of it.

"Everyone gets a kitty!" I say, as my friends, all 4 of them, wait for their piece of cake. I grab the brown cat, and smile at him. Just like Tobi. I look at Amelia, my best friend, and show her Tobi.

"It's just like that cat stuffed animal that you got last year." She smiles, petting him with her finger.

"Yeah!" I smile back at her. Amelia Eaton, was my best friend and has been since the beginning of our second year of kindergarten, or our first year out of ECE. She had a brother, who's name I never seemed to remember, who was two years older than us. Her mother was very sick, and she and her bother were in danger of also being very sick.

**_\- Two Hours Later -_**

There was a knock at the door, and I looked over at Amelia. It must be her dad, she was the last friend over. We stood up to go and answer the door, and she gathered her stuff. I answered the door. The boy standing there appeared to be seven or eight years old, and was vaguely familiar.

"Hi?" I said, and my mom came into the room.

"Oh, Tobias. Hello. Your sister is packing up right now." She said, smiling. So this was the Great Tobias, Amelia's brother. He smiled at her.

"Okay. Happy Birthday, by the way." He sure talked like a ten year old.

"Thanks." My voice was quiet, and I blushed at him. Amelia walked into the room, her stuff in hand.

"Hey, Tobi!" She headed towards him and the door. "Thanks for having me, Beatrice!"

"Thanks for coming!" I waved, and she smiled at me as she and her brother walked away. Their house was only a few houses away. I close the door and turned to look at my mom.

"I feel like I know him." I mumbled, wrapping my arms around her middle.

"He, I believe, was the boy who walked you down to the nurse." I nod against her stomach, and she kisses the top of my head. "Let's get you to bed, you're probably tired after your party."


End file.
